There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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