WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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