I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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