I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
