Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Also, beer. Big fan.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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