thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Randomize
