Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
