so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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