I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
