The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
