I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
