Your favorite bartender is back from prision
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
