its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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