just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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