i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
