even my farts smell like vagina
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
