just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize