Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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