Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
