she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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