need another drink. this is the easiest way
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
