:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
