I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
