BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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