Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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