well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
