I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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