I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The adults are the big ones right?
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