yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
