Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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