I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
