last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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