D3 body, D1 cock
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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