I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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