What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
