You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
