i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
