Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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