i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
