If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
