I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
