I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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