are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So much Jack, so little girl.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
