We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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