she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
