i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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