I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
