I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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