it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
