evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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