Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
