So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
