U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Everything about him screamed your future.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
