Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
