I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize