I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
