Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize