How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
