took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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