I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
