I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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