i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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