why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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