She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
