Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
