My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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