My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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